You write about science for 30 years
and what do you get?

A chance to freelance
for the Washington Post (70+ times)
and other newspapers and magazines
on Burning Issues
like the right way to eat corn on the cob,
finding happiness on the prune juice trail,
and questing for the perfect
crummy but good restaurant.

Newest Burning Issues

Carpe Gotcha

Sometimes the putdowner becomes the putdownee, the gotcha becomes the gotchee.

Some there are who love to putdown. In the purest Olympic form of the sport, words and humor are honed in bouts of competitive verbal sparring until a final unanswerable stinging statement leaves the opponent stunned and speechless.

But they who live to be a putdowner must also expect to be a putdownee. As I am now, and by a woman scorned.

Olympic level putdown matches don’t try to be mean and hurtful, but sometimes it comes out that way. After all, putdowning is a form of pre-combat combat, like fencing or full-contact badminton.

For the rest of the shocking story "Carpe Gotcha"

Curse of the Three Hole Outhouse

WANTED: Your Picture of Favorite Outhouse To Go Here

This is a true story about a goat that begins and ends in an outhouse. If you have just read a story about a goat and an outhouse, you can skip this one. But you'll be sorry.

The worst thing about the outhouse was that it was a three-holer. Sure, I worried some about the wasps that nested there and flew freely around my exposed ten-year-old butt. The biggest worry remained the three holes. Why would there be three holes except to accommodate three people? What if Dad and Grandma came to join me? What would we talk about?

For the rest of the shocking story "Curse of the Three Hole Outhouse"

At least We'll Always Have Bora Bora

Just Whisper "Shenandoah"

Forty years in rural northwestern Virginia and I still can't talk upcountry. Our children grew up here and can say "up side the head" with great conviction. I won't even try. I'm stuck with my native Pennsylvanian tongue. When all around me are craving "soda" I still ask for "pop." Some words just feel right, or at least are more fun to say.

For the rest of the confession "At Least We'll Always Have Bora Bora"

The Art of Not Talking

Over the years, husbands and wives develop an amazing ability to not talk. This can be bad, this can be good. With practice, it evolves into a form of super communications, like the spooky ability to finish each other's sentences.

When an Ant Watcher Marries an Ant Stomper.

Super communications has a seasonal component. Summer offers special opportunities to not talk about things that crawl. Some people like to watch crawly things. Others automatically stomp and swat. Sometimes a watcher marries a stomper. Lucky us. So much more to not talk about.